Diarrhea, Puke; Reverse and Repeat

Ah, back to work after a nice weekend. This past weekend we drove to Tulsa for a wedding. Little Grace stayed with the grandparents, so it was nice to have some time alone with Megan. The drive to Tulsa consisted of an abundance of flat land, deserted mining towns, Route 66, Cherokee Nation (ie, shitty, broken down casinos), and one poor "rest stop guy" who peed his pants (most likely due to that fact that I took too long in the 1 in 1 out, outhouse - which will be a whole new post, with pics!). I couldn't think of a better way to spend the weekend! But seriously, congrats to our good friends Katie and Barry who were married this weekend at a beautiful ceremony in which a very large, very naked male statue stood (in all of his glory) aisle-center. We wish you guys all the happiness and success in the world.

Anywho, we arrived back home Sunday and I was exhausted. We had gone too bed much later than our normal 9 pm bedtime, (what can I say, I live on the schedule of a 90 year old - breakfast at 5:30, lunch at 11, dinner at 5) yet I still woke up at 5:30 - super! Megan who claimed that she didn't sleep very much on the way home (she immediately passed out after her 2 donut breakfast) "was so tired." So, being the nice guy that I am, I went to run errands and let her stay home to rest. When I arrived home 2 hours later, she continued to lay on the couch, where she had been the entire time I had been gone, while I brought in the diapers, formula, groceries, everything we needed to live this week. But, hey don't mind me, it is only 6000 degrees out here - I will get it, you continue to rest your little body. We then woke up Grace from her nap, played, ate dinner, and finally went to bed - at 8 pm.

Grace has had quite a diaper rash lately, so we have been making the extra effort to change her diaper more often than usual. The night time however is the worst. She has been going through a period where she poos at some point in the middle of the night. Every time that this occurs, she lets out this shrieking scream, moans for a while, and eventually falls back to sleep. Being the excellent parents that we are, we just wait for her to fall back to sleep without checking on her (sometimes it was a false alarm, and I am usually willing to take the risk). But, since the rash kept getting worse, we have been getting up every night to make sure she hasn't pooed, and if she has, obviously we change the diaper - we aren't animals, Geez. Luckily, this has seemed to help her issues.

So, 8 pm last night, we are OUT. Around 11, Grace lets out a shrieking scream, Megan rolls over and says "It's your turn, I am so tired." Right, "Megan Many Naps" is sooooooo tired. In all honesty, she does do it most nights. So I fall out of bed, shuffle up the stairs, and sniff Grace's butt. Yep, that's what I do - amazing isn't it! To my surprise we are all clear, Woo Hoo, back to bed. I go back downstairs, crawl into bed, and fall back to sleep.

I was awoken by this strange smell around 1 am (I know this because I happened to glance at the wall and see the time). I was barely awake, but I remember thinking it must be Riley's breath (one of our dogs has breath that is so bad that the smell of a week old dead fish on a 100 degree sidewalk would be more preferable). So I lay there for a bit, turned and flopped around, and the smell was still there no matter which way i turned. "What the hell is that smell?!?!?!" Then I realized I had some weird spongy substance in my hand, and I started to play with it (because that's what you do when you are half asleep). "What is this stuff," I kept thinking to myself as I rolled it around in my hand. Finally, I woke up enough to bring it to my nose in order to smell it, and as I did....I woke up immediately. I don't remember exactly what words came from my mouth, but I am pretty sure they were along the lines of: "Megan, what the F*&!!!!!! Help, Help, HELP! HELP! Jesus Christ, HELP! I AM GOING TO BARF,  GET UP@!)(&W)R(_!(*@#&R_)(_F!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was afraid to move anymore because I did not want to discover the extent of the damage. Apparently, when I went upstairs to check on Grace, Spitz (our dog who is overly timid, afraid of everything and, is known to have occasional seizures) came from the foot of our bed, up to my pillow and barfed, a lot. Yep, I was so out of it, that I came back downstairs, crawled right into bed, on top of the puke, rolled around in it, and fell asleep. The puke was all over my hands, stomach, neck, face, everywhere! As I am rushing to disrobe and wash off (trying to vomit in the process), Megan is attempting to pick up the clumps off the sheets before we put them in the wash. As she is doing this I hear "Ted, I can't, I can't, I am going to throw up," as I look over to see her holding on to the bed gagging. What a mess, I mean you can't make this up. So we get everything cleaned up, put new sheet on, and get back in bed. Phew! off to sleep, right? Wrong! As soon as we turn out the lights, Spitz who was back in our bed (what can I say, I am a sucker) begins to heave, and make choking sounds. She is right at the top of the bed between out pillows. I am sitting there thinking no way this is happening as Megan yells "Ted, what are you doing?!??! Get her off the bed!" So I turn over and literally catapulted her off of our bed. She quickly ran into her kennel and threw up all over her bed - hey, at least it wasn't ours this time. So, I get back up - because Megan is tired, clean off her bed, then get back in ours. Back to sleep. But wait, the smell is still there?!?!??!?! IT'S STILL THERE??????????? That was my last thought before I slid my hand under my pillow where I put my hand in another pile of puke! I jumped up and realized I had not thrown Spitz off fast enough. She had thrown up, on the bed, again. Luckily, this time, it ran down the front of the mattress to form a huge pile on the floor, in front of the bed. We get up, again, change the sheets, again, and this time we(I) got to pull the bed out, and scrub the carpet - YEAH!!!

Finally, everything was cleaned up! We got back in bed and fell asleep. I woke up to our alarm, exhausted and in disbelief of what had happened just a few hours before. Well, on the bright side, at least I didn't have to change a poo filled diaper that had leaked all over the crib, and give Grace a bath in the middle of the night - at least that disaster was averted. Anyway, I get up, hop in the shower and get ready for work. I then go upstairs to get Grace. When I turned the corner into her room, a stench filled my nose and all I could think was "Please, God, no, please no." But I knew that rotten Cheetos smell, and just as I suspected I found Grace sitting up in her crib, with a poo filled diaper that had leaked all over the crib, stained pj's, and a huge adorable grin on her face, "Hey Dad, good morning!-I'm gonna need a bath!"

Happy Monday!